She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
