I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
