Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
