Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
