I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
