I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
