im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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