My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
