I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
