I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
