If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
