ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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