Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
