She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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