I cockslap morals
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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