The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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