i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
