There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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