I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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