I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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