and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
