dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
