If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
