i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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