just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
