Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
