I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
