you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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