She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
