Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
