her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
