So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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