I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i now understand why vodka
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
