Just mADE A PArabola og urine
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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