If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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