Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
