We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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