I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
