i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
