before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
