Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
