He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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