So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
