we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
