i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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