I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize