problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
where does the pee come out of this thing
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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