I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
