also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
