stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
