Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
