Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
