I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
