2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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