who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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