Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
