Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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