I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
