After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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