I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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