I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Everclear isn't food dammit
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
