I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
