ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
