had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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