My first STD was from a foam party
Buhtt sex?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
