i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
