He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i now understand why vodka
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize