Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
