I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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