If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
