Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
