whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
