He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
