You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
