Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
