Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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