Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
