By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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