'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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