I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
