that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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