I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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