So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
