Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
