I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
