wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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