She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize