I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
