he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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