shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
