i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
