we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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