Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
