wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize