im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
