The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
