I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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