why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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